Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!……2 Corinthians 5:17
In the book of “The Family” written by John Bradshaw, mentioned some topics about boundaries and abuse; bonding to violence; and adult children of physical violence, etc. He said as the followings: “Physical violence affects a level of shame second only to sexual abuse. Slapping, jostling, pinching, shoving,….etc. are often done in public. It may be in public places or in front of brothers and sisters or older children. Shame is the feeling of being exposed before you are ready to be exposed. Shame is often associated with being looked at—having eyes on you before you’re ready to be seen. Shame is associated with being caught naked, with your pants down, as it were.” “Bonding to physical violence is perplexing and paradoxical. You would think that trauma of physical violence was so great that the victim would never get near it again. actually the exact opposite is closer to the truth. Being beaten and humiliated are so shaming that the victim’s sense of self-worth diminishes. The more the victims are beaten, the more their self-worth diminishes. The more victims think they are lowly and flawed as human beings, the more their choices diminish. They become bonded to violence.” “The profile of a physically abusing parent includes the following: isolated; poor self-image; lacks sensitivity to others’ feelings; usually physically abused himself; deprived of basic mothering; unmet needs for love and comfort; in denial of problems and the impact of the problems; feels there is no one to turn to for advice; totally unrealistic expectations of children; expects the children to meet his needs for comfort and nurturing; when children fail to meet his needs, interprets this as rejection and responds with anger and frustration; deals with children as if they were much older than they are.”
I’ve received some questions from the viewers in the past days, asking about how they’re able to know whether their inner beings have been healed and transformed yet. My answer is when your INNER CHILD dare face the offenders and encounter with them, then you may claim the victory. The other asked a specific situation such as when a child ( or a person ) got healed completely, but his parents were still adult children, would their broken relationship be changed and improved? I would say once the inner being of the child ( or the person ) has been strengthened and transformed, he (she ) is definitely free from the bonds, however, the “relationship” refers to two sides at least, it’s not easy to maintain the good relationship if one side lacks in harmony. Moreover, absolute cooperation from the parents is required when their child ( kid or young adult ) is pursuing for the healing, particularly the kid or young adult lives with the parents and has to face them every day. The absolute cooperation from the parents means the parents are willing to be changed and willing to terminate the dysfunctional family rules.
Thanks for all of your responses and questions which have been sent to my e-mail and comment column, they were very precious and helpful to all the viewers of my site. In here, I’d like to bring up one more significant question from a viewer asking how his belief in the Lord Jesus can be confirmed and assured. Based on the inquiry about the salvation, let’s have a overall checklist of the Christianity doctrine.
1. The existence of God——-Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”
2. The Holy Bible is credible——-2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”
3. Human beings are sinners——-Romans 3:23 “…..for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,…”
4. The penalty of sin———Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
5. God loves all the sinners—————-John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
6. Jesus died for our sins–1 Peter 2:24; the resurrection of Christ—1 Corinthians 15:3-8 “He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness ; by His wounds you have been healed.” “For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that He appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve, After that, He appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. Then He appeared to James, then to all the apostles, and last of all He appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.”
7. The only Savior——————John 14:6 “Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'”
8. Repentance of sinners————-Acts 2:38 “Peter replied, ‘Repent and be baptized, every one of you , in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'”
9. Confess and believe——————Romans 10:9-10 “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead , you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess are saved.”
10. The result of rejection————————John 3:36 “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.”
As long as you believe in God’s Word, that said, from the checklist 1 through 10, you will be saved. You don’t have to be baptized before the assurance of the salvation. You don’t have to read the whole book of Holy Bible in order to get the salvation. You don’t have to wait until you become good to get the salvation from the Lord. The Lord Jesus is waiting to save you just right now!
Dear friends, if you’re willing to believe in Jesus and accept Him to be your Lord and only Savior now, or anybody who had doubts before, might be not clear about if you were saved yet, but now you know you need Jesus to save you, to be your Lord and Savior, to guide you for the rest of your life, please follow me together to pray to God and ask Jesus to come into your hearts just right now!
“Dear God, I admit I’m a sinner. I believe Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, died for our sins and resurrected the third day. I need Jesus to save me and forgive my sins. Dear Jesus, I invite you to come into my heart now, forgive my sins, and be my Savior and Lord to guide me for the rest of my life. Thank you for your forgiveness and salvation. Thank you for listening to my prayer in the name of the Lord Jesus. Amen!”
Congratulations! Now, you’re children of God. “Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God…” ( John 1:12) Being the children of God, you have received the gift of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit dwells in you. I’d also like to encourage you to join the local church, and learn to follow Jesus as His disciples with brothers and sisters in God’s kingdom. Through the interaction in the church community, you will learn further about Jesus as your Lord, and experience His love more as the Living God. However, please do not expect everyone in the church to be perfect. Christians are saved sinners. They are on the way of being molded and transformed. Please also note that not all churches conform to the Christianity doctrine as they assert they do. Be sure to take heed when you proceed.
I felt very very sad to hear from my son that his friend’s parents divorced this week. Poor kid. I just can’t convey my feelings in words. The kid also mentioned his mom might punch him whenever he got the lower score on the math test before. He thought playing in the video games would be his best hideout for escaping from his parents’ disputation. He did play outrageous amount of time on video games every day and that made his parents even mad of him. I’m praying the Gospel can reach to this broken family, especially the young man. May the Lord save them and heal their wounded hearts.
Long time ago, I felt myself scared of being closer to God, as my Heavenly Father. I didn’t resolve the struggle for a period time until I figured out God, the Heavenly Father is the prototype of our parents. Thus, the relationship between us with our parents made the major impact on the relationship between us with God. As the youngest child at my home, my father loved me, his youngest daughter, and never scolded a bit since my birth. However, my parents had much disputation every day just like some other families did. A lot of time, my mother told me how my father hurt her, how weak and incapable he was, and how much she wanted to break with him.
Dear all, had you ever felt an obstacle somehow standing between you and God, and you just didn’t know where the block came from to keep you away to know the Heavenly Father and believe in Him? Maybe you had been one of the children of the Heavenly Father for a long time, but you just couldn’t completely trust in His power, love, and holiness. Had you ever thought that only when you did something good or even better, then God would love you? Maybe you just couldn’t believe God is love and He loves YOU. In the book of “The Faces of God”, the author James D. Hamilton wrote how the world, the people, and the parents would twist the real image of God and how we developed different and false FACES of God through the perspectives from the world, the people, and our parents.
“The affect of shame is important because no effect is more disturbing to the self, none more central for the sense of identity.” said Gershan Kaufman
Some people think that shame can lead to the most destructive emotional sickness of self a person can live. It is destructive and if unchecked can ultimately kill us. A person says, “I am a mistake–everything I do is flawed and defective.” Another person says, “I made a mistake or a blunder, and I can fix it.” Who do you think has the internalized shame? The former or the latter? Let me make it clearer for you. When the former person was knocked by his (her) dad or mom, he (she) presumably thought “I deserved it.”
The Lord Jesus can heal the shame that binds you. You should pray the Holy Spirit in you to guide you to relive every event from your past in particular involved in corporal punishment or physical abuse which had occurred and broke your self-esteem. I’d like to say once again that the ancient pains must be relived and can be relieved!
The healing prayer guidelines which have been mentioned on my site before can be applied to many occasions. How to pray for healing the shame that binds you and how to complete the healing through repentance and forgiveness, please check my posts dated 08/22/12 ( Steps 1-4 ) and 09/16/12 ( question 5 and the steps 1-7. ) Just feel free to let me know when you have questions on how to pray and proceed. May you have the further experience in the healing power of the Lord!