The book “Excuse me…your rejection is showing”  by Noel & Phyl Gibson wrote that the cause and root of rejection came from Satan. The first human’s family on earth was the family of Adam, Eve, Cain and Abel. After the serpent tempted and lied to the woman Eve, the destructive effect had came into the world. The serpent, basically was the Devil, and that was Satan itself. The Lord God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden because sin had caused the rejection. Since then, the humans became the rejected sinners, and they started to use “rejection” to attack others or even God. Nevertheless, God had a redemption plan for the human beings. Jesus, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! It said in the Holy Bible, “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.” ……..1 Peter:18-19   

The book which I’ve mentioned above also addressed detailed self-rejection syndrome, i.e. depression, low self-esteem, fear of failure, anxiety, fear of being abandoned, fear of death, fear of being cheated, and no hope,…etc. As for encountering the fear of being rejected, people would develop a series of ways to face it, i.e. competition, loneliness, greed, isolation, self- protection, grandiosity, envy, lie, manipulation, judgment, oppression, pride, criticism, and perfectionism,…etc. The attack responses of being rejected were listed, i..e. rejecting others, rejecting of being comforted, anger, quarrelling, fighting, cursing, stubbornness, suspicion, …etc. We’ll share about how to be set free from the bondage of rejection through the prayer in the next article.

Now, let’s switch the point to the fantasy bond. There was an article, “The Fantasy Bond: A substitute for a truly loving relationship” published on Dec.5,  2008 in The Human Experience by Robert Firestone, Ph.D.  Robert Firestone was also the author of the book called The Fantasy Bond. In this particular article, it mentioned that most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an imagination of love and loving while preserving emotional distance. Destructive fantasy bonds, which exist in a large majority of relationships, greatly reduce the possibility couples achieving intimacy.

Then, let’s say more about how has the fantasy bond been formed? According to Dr. Robert Firestone’s point of view,  people’s compulsion to relive the past with new relationships i.e., to form illusory connections that invariably lead to a reenactment of defensive styles of interacting developed in childhood. This process of reverting to outmoded defense patterns interferes with the establishment of secure and satisfying adult relationships characterized by feelings of humanity, compassion, and equality. Once a fantasy bond is formed, individuals prefer to maintain a defensive posture rather than trusting and investing genuine feeing in others. Once having been hurt, they are reluctant to take a chance again and this defensive pattern has an insidious effect on couple and family relations.

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Dr. Robert Firestone also thought that men and women are most likely to become romantically involved at a stage in their lives where they are breaking dependent emotional ties with their families and experiencing a sense of separateness and independence. As they reach out and risk more of themselves emotionally, they tend to attract others with their vitality and enthusiasm. In the first stages of the relationship, they tend to let down their defenses and are open and vulnerable. While this state of being in love is volatile and exciting, at the same time it can be frightening. The fear of loss or abandonment as well as the poignant sadness often evoked by positive emotions may become difficult to tolerate, especially for those who have suffered from a lack of love in their early lives. At the point these individuals begin to feel anxious or frightened, they retreat from feeling close, gradually giving up the most valued aspects of their relationships, forming a fantasy bond.

We’re going to tell you in the next article about a couple of steps offered by Dr. Robert Firestone to break into the fantasy bond formed with each other.

Now, here comes the most exciting part of today ! There is a lady’s brief testimony about her inner child transformation to share with you as follows:

“I was a depressed , lonely, and anxious person before. It was hard for me to make a good relationship with other people including my own family members. I always felt people rejecting me and I always thought myself not good enough comparing to others, even it was not actually true. More often than not,  in the sleep, I dreamed myself a lot of time becoming a rescuer, a scholar, or a billionaire in order to win the respect from people. After I woke up, I felt sad again because I was still the ‘old self.’ Being a Christian, I was so sorry to say I didn’t feel there’s a meaning and hope for me to live in this world. Gradually, I had compulsively developed a couple of addictions within me. But, thank the Lord Jesus, He didn’t forsake me! He sent his servant to reach me and let me understand the inner child healing work. Although it was a long healing process, the Lord Jesus not only healed my co-dependence but also sat me free from the bondage of the addictions. Praise the Lord! Not only this, through the creative prayer, I’m not scared any longer to face the people who I before felt they looked down on me. Besides, the relationship with my parents has recovered since they has been transformed by the Lord’s healing power, too. Now, I feel I’m totally free and able to be the person that God wants me to be. There’s a ‘new self’ within me!”

The above testimony was a true story. Thank God for letting me to team up with Him to help the lady. Praise the Lord Jesus for He is the living God and He understands our needs and is ready to help us as long as we’re willing to come near Him.

Then, how to apply the creative prayer? The creative prayer especially works for getting rid of fear within you.  When you got hurt, you might be afraid of facing the person or the thing again that had disturbed you. However, try to apply the creative prayer right after you’ve dealt with your grief work (Please check my previous articles to see how to proceed the grief work, ) you may surprisingly get good outcome. For example, praying to the Holy Spirit of God to bring you back to the past, let the original situation appear, at the moment of facing to the person or the thing again, and asking the Lord Jesus, “Where are you, Lord? or What are you doing, Lord? This person or the thing (name them) is threatening (or xxx else) me now!” In this quiet prayer, the Lord Jesus will reveal the answer for you. People would usually get relieved after they’ve seen the presence of the Lord in this particular prayer.

Dear friends, if you’re touched by the Holy Spirit of God now, and you’re interested in learning more about the Lord Jesus and His healing power, please don’t hesitate to contact us, or take a look of my previous articles which will guide you to know the Savior better.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”……2 Corinthians 3:17

Blessings,

Miriam White